I had a Food Day yesterday and ate reasonably generously. I’m definitely hungrier than normal though. I started to get an appetite quite quickly after eating and even before The Sous Chef. In the past, he would be the one scrabbling around for something to eat while I’d be a million miles from feeling hungry. Typically I stuggle to keep up with his eating. Why am I suddenly the very hungry caterpillar? That my appetite has ratcheted up seems to explain the weight gain recently. I’m hungrier more often and for more food.

During my revision time I started off eating to appetite. Then I started to eat above appetite. I was eating for the pleasure of it and since I was not fasting (and not aiming to lose weight) I ate the foods I liked and did so even when not hungry. Inevitably, my weight crept upwards but I continued to indulge my appetite. I got about 10lbs heavier but then the exam came and went. I decided to get back to ADF again. Except now it was harder. It’s as if my expected food amount was now set at a higher level than it had been before I’d even started the fasting. I got hungrier much sooner and I wanted more. I am going to have to retrain my appetite.

After the exam I did a week of Fast5 type eating but at the weekend I let go due to a dinner party and a long walk with mushrooming involved (and a risotto dinner of our finds). I gained an inordinate amount of weight as a result of that dinner party. I overate by a LOT and unfortunately not out of greed but out of politeness. The baked potato was rather undercooked but I forced it down anyway, on top of beef casserole. I dutifully finished my plate (piled up by someone else) and felt uncomfortably stuffed (I hate feeling stuffed). Then we realised the time and TSC and I had to say hurried goodbyes and run to the train station (about 2 miles away) on overfilled bellies. This is DO NOT recommend. I felt nauseous, my stomach bloated horribly, I lay in bed with my over-stretched belly full of undercooked potato.

My weight went up again and undid what I’d lost doing Fast 5. Depressing but hey. Moving on.

Today is a Fast Day and so far so good, really. I had some tummy grumbles at about noon (again, much earlier than I used to get) but cups of tea have kept me going. Strangely, I don’t feel very much fatter than before. The only thing that stands out is that I have a poochy tummy right now. This is the first thing to go when I lose weight (I’m a pear shape, after all) so I look forward to having a waist and flat stomach again soon, but in terms of my most despised areas, I see no different. That’s a shame because you need some sort of reward for when things get tough. If I have fat thighs no matter what, what’s the point?

Also, I’ll be doing a big cycle ride soon and so whatever I do now is sort of pointless. Come February, I’ll be burning up thousands of calories a day for a year, anyway. I won’t be able to fast then nor will I be tracking my weight or calories in any way, so really this is a very very very short term endeavour (until end of January).

Part of me wonders whether to bother with fasting at all before we go but then again, the less weight I carry with me to start the trip, the easier it’ll be. Plus the poochy tummy is a bit of a bother and thirdly, I need reminding that I can do this if I want to. I’m not a control freak in other areas of my life, but I don’t like the feeling of having a weight I have no power to manipulate if I want to. I don’t like being fatter (I don’t mean that in a self-insulting way, but ‘fuller-bodied’ seems like such a euphemism) and not having the power to change that.

so I’m continuing with ADF primarily for weight reasons now, since I know I’ll have to give it up while away next year but can resume it (for health reasons) thereafter.