143.2 on the scales this morning. Less than the usual 144 I see each Fast Day morning on this ole plateau. Maybe, just maybe it’s gonne break. Maybe. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, though.

I went shopping today for a bikini. Yes folks a bikini. Now, I haven’t suddenly developed an awesomely positive body image and can now strut around in the smallest outfit on the beach. Rather I have grumbled enough about how immodest women’s swimwear is, particularly compared to mens. How come they get to cover up so fully and we have to worry about whether we’ve shaved/waxed our bikini area. That seems crazy to me. I have thighs I do not want people to see so why do I have to show them and men (who have perfectly acceptable thighs) do not? That makes no sense to me.

So I’ve bought a pair of board shorts that cover me from my navel to my knees, don’t reveal how huge I am underneath, cover all the wobbly bits and if anything, makes greater emphasis of my fabulous, tiny waist. Teamed with a bikini top of a matching colour, folks let me tell you, I look hot.

So girls, if you’re a pearshape with saddlebags but have a slim upper body, then get thee to the men’s department ad try on some boardshorts. Avoid the wild patterns, go for plain, darker colours.  Your top needs to be more interesting to look at than the bottoms (unlike the picture below). And if there is a stripe down the outside of each leg, make sure it’s darker than the rest of the shorts. It’ll make you look narrower than you are. 

Once you’ve got those, pair them up with a bikini top that roughly matches the shorts in colours but is preferably more eye catching and voila!

Only downside is you’ll get a farmer’s tan but if you’re like me, you don’t show the top of the thighs out in public anyway. Since I cycle a lot in shorts, I already have a farmer’s tan. My knees are nutty brown, my calves are caramel coloured but the tops of my thighs are snow, snow white. If I wore a regular swimsuit or bikini, I’d look like I was wearing brown stockings

Eats: tea| sampled liquorice

Exercise: cycle along seafront into town |

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