143.17 average (up again!)

PANIC STATIONS!   PANIC STATIONS!  aWOOga, aWOOga

A hundred and forty five on the scales this morning. Ay ay ay! I haven’t been that heavy since 13th May and my average has gone up to what it was 21st May.  I’d do the headless chicken act if I didn’t think all the exercise would put my weight up even further.

but ok, let’s not panic too much about this. I’m twanging around on this plateau-elastic which is infuriating, but than again, what’s the hurry? I’m planning to be fasting every other day for life anyway regardless of what I weigh. It’s not as if I reach this magical goal and then I can go back to my old eating habits. This just means I have to wait a little longer for 139lbs than I wanted or expected. But really – what’s the hurry? I’ve been bigger than this for years and my life wasn’t ruined . I should enjoy the me the size I am right now since that is what I have right now.  There is nothing to gain by waiting until I am perfect before starting to enjoy life. I’ve got everything to gain by enjoying what I have right now and tacking alternate day fasting onto that. (Although I still wish I had some lower numbers to make me feel all successful and in control).

I got a hungry in the evening (about 7pm or so) and TSC made some cheese on toast with saucisson.  I was going mad with desire, looking at that lovely melty-cheese topping on granary bread. *drooooool*

but I resisted.  I can have whatever I want tomorrow, after all. I’ll enjoy my foods tomorrow all the more knowing I managed to fast all day today, successfully.  I need a few more successes under my belt to reassure myself this is doable.  I can take the odd hard day here and there if I know it’s not always going to be difficult. I also can’t stand the guilt I’d feel. That’s kinda bad and a screwed up way of thinking about food but I’ve seen my trend-line change direction this week. I need to know I can undo that if I want to.

Ooh and really good news: I got my assignment back and it got a high mark 88%!!! That’s an A. If I can keep this up, I might just manage a first after all (although a 2:1 is more likely).

Eats: 4 milk tea | water

Exercise: commute in sunshine | 24 push ups | 40 leg lifts | commute home in glorious sunshine

weather: sunshine. Warm at 23C

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