144.12 average (up a little)

I ate a lot yesterday. A real binge of sugary crap. Bingeing is not my usual demon, so not sure what’s going on there. I’m glad of the fast today. It’ll help to resettle everything.

My mood is very low of late. I’ve been having nightmares and night-sweats. Almost certainly assignment related. I’m not making as much progress as I’d like and the deadline is one week from today. I’d better throw myself into it. Surely just getting rid of this awful feeling should keep me focused on getting it done. Hopefully now that I’m back to fasting, I’ll get the energised euphoria again, although I can’t rely on that. For now I’m just depressed. At least with the fasting I can’t either reach for the treat-food or avoid food altogether (my usual tendency) so it should keep me on track and not let me use/abuse food to feel better. One thing fasting teaches you is to seek out different ways to make yourself feel better than don’t require you to put something into your mouth – wait, let me rephrase that- that don’t revolve around food. In the past, if I felt low, I’d reach for something sugary or creamy or chocolatey (which is both). On a fast day, that isn’t an option so I have to find something else. I’m still learning what works but a short walk seems to help sometimes (if it’s not too cold outside, which it usually is) or a cup of tea or a change of scene.

By mid-day I could feel a slight sense of being hungry. It’s quite nice to be able to just bracket that off and set it aside. It makes me feel in control of things. My hunger isn’t something I can control but how I handle it is and it’s nice to know I needn’t be a slave to my stomach. It’s also nice to know I needn’t practice self-denial every day forever.  I’ve not got any food plans tomorrow (sometimes I make plans of what I’ll have, based on what I crave today – sometimes those wishes are fulfilled but more often than not the cravings pass before I have the opportunity to fulfill them). I guess that means this is another easy day of fasting. I’m only slightly hungry and feel very confident I can make it through today.

It’s early evening now and it’s been a super-easy fast day. I’m not even mentally making plans for breakfast and I don’t have a mental noshing list of things to have tomorrow. I’m a little bit hungry but I’m also looking forward to seeing some weightloss on the scales tomorrow. I’m expecting it to be about 143 or so. We’ll see. I can’t wait to weigh myself again. It’s weird. I’m always so damn curious – be it the drops after fast days or the gains after food days.

I’ve lost the bloat I had from eating every day so even if I don’t see any weight loss, it’s good to be rid of the bloat once more. I think the lack of bloatiness is probably the best thing about alternate day fasting. I love how light I feel.

Eats: 4 milk-tea | water | 1 herbal tea | 1 green tea

Exercise: commute in (drizzly but windstill) | commute home (cloudy)