143.37 average (small loss. back to what it was last Wednesday)

My lowest average weight was 143.27 and that was last Monday. After that it went back up again, as I started eating every day.  That means I haven’t ‘lost too much ground’.  Once I get my average below 143.27 I can start adding the tag ‘weightloss’ to my posts again.

I’m surprisingly cool about it all. I don’t feel a failure for having gained a little, I don’t feel that I need to hang onto those numbers on the scale to feel good or bad. I keep returning to ‘what if I don’t lose any more weight from now and I stay at this – would that be ok?‘ and it would. It really really would. That’s cool. I never felt like that before. I always felt unhappy with my weight. I now seem to be at some sort of ‘correct weight’. It’s weird. Is it coincidence that this is my teenage weight? Is this some psychological set point?

In terms of body composition I suspect I’m in better shape than I was at age 17. I have a much stronger cardiovascular system. I can run further than I ever could in my life. I can cycle for 6 hours and still climb massive hills on a fully-loaded bicycle. I have noticeable muscles in my legs. I was never this fit at 17 even though I weighed the same.

Today is going to be a tricky day, though. Technically it is a fast day. It’s past noon and I’ve not been hungry so it looks like this’ll be an easy fast (unlike Thursday which was a nightmare) but TSC and I have plans to go to the flicks tonight and then eat out (he really really wants to eat out). This is inconvenient to me so as a compromise, I’m going to fast all day until dinner time and then have dinner with him after the movie.  That means it scuppers my chances of bringing my average weight down again. It’s frustrating that on a day when I know I can fast with ease that it’s sabotaged. I want to get back into the groove again and things keep getting in the way.

Then again, this is likely how I will switch to eating once I don’t want to lose any more weight. Maintenance.  Fast until dinner time or fast just a couple of days a week, I’ll have to tweak around to find a pattern that suits me where I don’t carry on losing weight once I’m at my goal.

My goal weight is hard to pin down. I have this arbitrary figure in my head of 132lbs. That is 60kg which would give me a BMI of 20.7. That’s more into the centre of the healthy range than I am at the moment (22.4) and is the figure I tell myself will be perfect for me. I don’t know whether that is true. I don’t even know whether that is better than the 143 I am now. So for now, I’m just aiming for 132 and see whether I like it.

I am so so so so so glad that fasting has removed the bloat I was feeling. It’s also improved my mood again. I hope that it is the fasting that’s made me feel happier and not the weight loss. I would hate to think my mood depends on a number.

Eats: 1 milk tea | 1 fruit tea | 1 green tea | water

Exercise: cycle to the cinema (only 2 miles) and back

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