144.10 average (still losing)

Wow. The curry and rice I had last night (TSC made a sag aloo to supplement the leftovers and I did not eat mini-portions this time) has not shown up on the scales! So that’s a Food day with no weight gain at all. Mystifying. That means I’m either not going to weigh any less tomorrow (after this fast day) as I’ll be rehydrating today or I’m going to break a milestone (my lowest weight in living memory -anorexia excluded) pretty soon. The clincher will be when I break that milestone based on average weight (rather than glycogen depleted, water lost post-fast day weight, which is not that accurate a measure).

This morning I noticed my clothes are a little looser but frustratingly I don’t look any thinner to my own eyes. I still feel my body to be unacceptably blubbery (nice tummy excluded). I’ve a feeling that will never change. I was unhappy about things when I was underweight so slimming down is not going to make me satisfied. I’ll always find my body hideous. But, I want to prove that to myself and that means reaching my goal and then deciding my eyes really are wrong. I reckon I should work on my body image along the way. It is definitely something that won’t fix itself, I am going to have to make an effort to be more self-accepting. Surely it is better to feel beautiful than to be it. What use is being and not knowingyou’re being?

My little relapse in anorexia last week has made me realise how easy fasting is for me. I ate extremely sparsely even on my eating days and still managed to fast. I really don’t need to gorge on Food Days to cover me for Fast Days. I should just eat according to appetite and let things happen. I also seem to be able to cycle great distances on a fast day. I’ve not yet tested whether I can cycle a great distance after a fast day, though. That’s one to experiment with next.

Eats: 5 milk-tea | 375ml water

Exercise: normal commute (sunny), headwind coming home (quite hard)

Advertisements