146.80 average

Wow, what a leap in weight. I’m not concerned, though. I drank about a litre of water during the night and yet had only a mini-wee in the morning. I’m currently just a big bag of water (that’ll be the salt in the Thai food). It means I’m above the average on the scales today but I’m still confident I am losing. Mind you, I don’t feel any difference in my clothes. I haven’t noticed getting smaller in size. I think I am about the weight/size I was when I bought these clothes, so if anything, they fit a bit better. It’s been less than a fortnight so it’s early days yet. I’m interested to see whether I do lose any significant (read: 10lbs) of weight. It’d be great if I did, but if I don’t, meh. I still get all the health benefits of this and I like how it feels. In fact, I love how it feels.

Having said that, the fasting today is going very well because of the large meal last night. I don’t feel in the least bit hungry so far today. All being well, I should find this fast day another easy one. I had a bit of a rumbly tummy at about 1pm but a cup of tea seems to sort that out.

Started to feel hungry again at about 3.30pm. I can ignore it until tomorrow, though.

I don’t know whether I would be able to recommend this way of eating to someone else. I know I can fast fairly easily. When I feel hungry I can bracket it off, somehow. Intermittent fasting is something I have tended to do unintentionally in the past. My sisters have had these habits and I think we get it from our father. According to his partner, he can go all day without eating or on just a slice of toast, whereas she has to have regular meals or else feels unwell. I don’t think she could manage this sort of fasting but I find it a doddle.

I guess I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone but I would suggest to anyone who has never fasted before that they try it but start with just a few hours (say fasting for 12 hours and gradually extending that duration every other day over several weeks). I jumped right into fasting because I already had past experience of Ramadan fasting and also anorexia. When I was anorexic, I would typically eat about three bowls of instant noodles with meatballs per week and then share a pizza at the weekend, though not always.

I did not deliberately stare myself to achieve thinness, rather I just was too lazy and too unworthy to eat (that would be wasting food) and I knew I could feel strong without having eaten, so eating was a waste. I had no easy access to a supermarket, no means of buying food easily and so it was easier just not to eat.

I did think I was a bit too fat and was mystified that I could maintain my slightly heavier body on such meagre portions but I never aimed to actually lose a few pounds. Mind you, I began to think that if I were to ever eat like other people do, as in several meals a day and up to 2000 calories, I would be as big as a house. I ate like a sparrow (and knew it) but felt as large as I do now. I had no idea what I weighed or what my dress size was (I wore house dresses mostly). It wasn’t until much later that I stepped on some scales (I was asked to by the friends I was staying with. They had taken me along to their health club for the afternoon. I read out the number but didn’t know whether that was high or low for my height. I had been eating extremely well for three weeks and weighed 50kg. Was that a lot or not? I didn’t know.

When I was getting ready to leave Indonesia, I went shopping for some new trousers (couldn’t wear housedresses, after all) but found it frustrating that I looked so fat in all of them. I didn’t know it at the time, but back then I was underweight. I was an underweight woman hating herself for looking fat. How can that be?!?!?! I still can’t understand that. I knew about body dysmorphia but you always think that underneath, deep down, the person must KNOW what they really look like, right? Nuh uh. I was utterly convinced I was maybe not fat as such but a little on the heavy side. Definitely too fat to wear nice dresses. I felt in size exactly as I had felt at age 17, when I first became aware of my weight (I was a size 12/14, weighed 10.3 stone), so I naturally assumed I still was that size and weight. I didn’t know I was about 2 stone lighter, I felt the same, so I must be the same.

Because of that, I have to keep in mind not to take things too far. I must never go back to that again. That’s why I’ll never fast two days in a row. That’s also why I make sure to eat plenty on my Food Days (eating lightly on a food day is too similar to doubling fast days).

Eats: 3 milk-tea | 1.2l water | 1 green tea

Exercise: commute – light winds